Showing posts with label other. Show all posts
Showing posts with label other. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
Flushing the Toity at 39 000’ and Other Busted Myths
Flushing the Toity at 39 000’ and Other Busted Myths
A childhood friend of mine once asked me, “I’ve been dying to know all my life: when you flush the toilet on an airplane, does it just dump out all over the ground?”
Well, I’m happy to say, that question has finally been answered definitively, by an unfortunate couple lounging on their back deck. Yep, the brown sludge that fell from the sky and covered their evening in smelly brown goo was . . . indeed . . . lav doo too!*
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| Dont worry, it hasnt come to this on airplanes...yet!! |
Actually, and quite fortunately, that was a complete fluke. The reality is, all waste generated on an airplane is supposed to flush into a holding tank, similar to the head on a Winnebago or sailboat. And, while the latter vessel can choose to feed the fish at any given moment, strict EPA and FAA rules require that aircraft only be emptied on the ground, in a completely controlled environment. Hence the “Blue Juice truck” servicing your aircraft prior to departure, and the poor schmuck who has to run it. For, despite the closely controlled system . . . hazmat happens.
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| Why not a full hazmat suit?! You couldnt pay me enough... |
A joke only us flying nuts would get, I suppose.
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| Ill be in my office! Anybody seen my copy of War and Peace?! (Fifis Lav A) |
At the risk of TMI, a little more about blue juice. Other than the obvious reason that none of us appreciate getting shat upon by Jonathan Livingston Seagull—the bird or plane version—there are other factors forbidding flushing at altitude.
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| Cartoon proudly stolen from Chris Mano (Jetheads blog: http://jethead.wordpress.com/) |
First of all, temperatures at cruise tend to be in the minus-a-lots. And, like anything liquid, blue juice freezes. Clogs the pipes. Jacks the system. A leaky lav drain can freeze into icy blue chunks beneath the fuselage, which then break off in the airstream. Yes, earthbound real estate has fallen victim to hurtling blue projectiles falling from the sky, though no peeps injured or killed that we know about.**
Secondly, any metal bird flying above 10,000 (besides the most basic Cessna) will be pressurized. Air flows in, air flows out, but at an extremely controlled rate. The onboard air conditioners work overtime keeping the cabin air pumped up to breathable levels, sort of like flying inside a balloon. While being nearly airtight, however, an airplane is far from hermetically sealed. Small leaks are standard, medium leaks get our attention, and a big leaks call for an emergency dive bomb while sucking on those margarine cup thingies dangling from the ceiling.
Which brings us to Myth #2: Despite the wives tale perpetuated by the original “Airport” disaster movie, a tiny hole punched in the plane will not “suck” a human being out the window . . . or down the drain. (Death by toilet sucking - yikes!) Although you wouldn’t know it from the 6-year-old emerging from the lav, screaming and crying, traumatized by the chainsaw-decibel toilet flush at 35,000’.
Perhaps thats what Gerard Depardieu was worried about when he chose not to use the lav.***
Airbus, you coulda done a better job making the flusher more husher!
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| WTF?! Eh...no comment! |
Which brings us to Myth #2: Despite the wives tale perpetuated by the original “Airport” disaster movie, a tiny hole punched in the plane will not “suck” a human being out the window . . . or down the drain. (Death by toilet sucking - yikes!) Although you wouldn’t know it from the 6-year-old emerging from the lav, screaming and crying, traumatized by the chainsaw-decibel toilet flush at 35,000’.
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| Warp Speed, Number One. Engage! Er...better make that Number 2! |
Perhaps thats what Gerard Depardieu was worried about when he chose not to use the lav.***
Airbus, you coulda done a better job making the flusher more husher!
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*Couple Wants Answers After Lav Leak
**There were at least 27 documented incidents of blue ice impacts in the United States between 1979 and 2003
***French actor Gerard Depardieu urinates on an airplane
**There were at least 27 documented incidents of blue ice impacts in the United States between 1979 and 2003
***French actor Gerard Depardieu urinates on an airplane
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Wednesday, February 15, 2017
FOLLOW UP TO WOMEN AND OTHER MONSTERS COMING SOON
FOLLOW UP TO WOMEN AND OTHER MONSTERS COMING SOON
Life is Hard, Cupcake
It will beat you senseless and pile on like hungry dogs to keep you from ever getting up. That aint cynicism, either. Just true. Wont be a matter of whats fair or right or expected. Dont matter how rich you are, pretty you are, or how tough you had it growing up. Nobody cares. Nobody will help.
Everybody in this whole world gets pushed. Tested. Held to the fire. They pick up stakes and head home. Cry to mama. Its easy to fold when youre staring down the barrel of something scary enough to make your bowels turn to water. Quitting is easy.
Its what the Fat Cats expect. The bullies, the landlords, the ass-kissing backstabbing middle-managers at whatever soul-destroying job you have to endure. They all expect you to work within the system, even though its designed to work against you. Shut up and lay down. Take a fall.
These are stories about people who tasted canvas and got up. People who took a few lumps and came back swinging. Dont call them underdogs.
Overdogs is the new short-story collection from best-selling author Bernard Schaffer
COMING SOON!
Available link for download
Thursday, January 26, 2017
Full Disclosure of My Critical Biases and Sexual History and other things that are TMI
Full Disclosure of My Critical Biases and Sexual History and other things that are TMI
I like entertainment more than Art with a capital A. I believe I can recognize art, or at least well written fiction. Those things may not be mutually exclusive. Reading Don Simpsons blog before it went away made me realize that talking about what is and isnt art without defining it will give people massive headaches and make them write-off everything you say. Well, I did that with Don, anyway.
But Ill read 100 Nextwaves, even if Ellis takes to personally insulting me in future issues (and if he reads my manifesto about the book, he may), over a couple of Acme Novelty Libraries or Ganges or whatever. Because Id rather be entertained than read a heartbreaking work of staggering genius. Thats just how I roll. I dont dismiss indie comics fully. I read some of them. Black Hole was my favorite GN of the last year. I dont think their fans are snobs. Well, most of them arent, inherently. Some are totally insufferable pricks I wouldnt piss on if they were on fire, running around in a circle, and yelling "Piss on me, fanboy!" They know who they are. But my bias is toward mainstream comics like Seven Soldiers Frankenstein to most of whats out there, becuase do the indie comics have Frankenstein and the Bride working for an erstatz SHIELD and fighting monsters mutated by "... the Water!"? I dont think so. So fuck off, serious cartoonists and everyone else not published by Marvel, DC, and Dark Horse and Image I guess.
One thing I agree with obfuscating old man Simpson on is that I think a lot of people associated with indie/art comics are pretty bad about expecting people to give a shit about their comics because they are not like mainstream comics. It comes off as kinda petulant, you know? I imagine certain folks stomping their feet and going "We are too art!" and "But were better than the crap you read, stupid!" when describing the latest literary black and white masterpiece.
Sure, indie comics may be good for me, but you know what else people always try to sell me by telling me its good for me? Broccoli. So, indie comics bolsters, find a better way to sell me on your favorite comics than making me think of eating my vegetables. Well, those of you that do that. This is a bigger strawman than a 3,000 foot tall Scarecrow. Im just still kinda angry. It was that kind of week, last week. Just be glad Cronin didnt post a polemic like me and the Gregs. Boy, you do not want to see Cronin mad. I bet its real bad.
Also, Im a virgin. I didnt want to leave the people who read this just for my sexual history hanging. Theres none. Have fun with that one in the comments section!
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