NGUPLUS

Fraud Dr Fraud

Fraud Dr Fraud

Most of us know that my name refers to an overwhleming fear that Im a fraud, a severe case of the imposter phenomenon.

Today, as I talked with an old flame (from high school and college) about finally being Dr. Farud, I was completely floored when he asked me, flat out, if I still felt like a fake. He did it in this, "Surely now you know that its not all your charm and luck, and that its actually your brains and ability that got you this far?", way. Id forgotten how much a part of my identity "fraud" was in my life before graduate school.

I realized then that I have had this feeling my entire adult life and that it might never go away. Graduating high school wasnt enough, and college didnt change it, honors classes and degrees, awards, graduate school, a job, and ultimately a pass without revisions on my dissertation (granted by top scholars in their respective fields) has not been enough to conquer this fear.

My old flame kept on, and asked if I respected my professors, valued their opinions, thought of them as intelligent and wise, and I agreed on all fronts. Why then, would they fall victim to me - little old fraudulent me - and my fake identity?

Hes right. I know hes right. But Im afraid that instead of feeling less like a fraud, because these wise, respected people in my field think otherwise, I feel more like one. Its worse because now there are so many more people who will be exposed and humilated when the day arrives that the world discovers Im a fraud, Dr. Fraud.

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